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For the Parents of the Inbound Exchange Student
Rotary International Youth Exchange is one of the best opportunities
in which you can help in broadening an exchange student's horizons and understanding
the World in which their future rests.
Before Arrival
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Write a letter introducing yourself as soon as the club is aware of the name
and address of the inbound student.
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Try to write a letter to the student every two or three weeks. Keep copies
to prevent redundancies. Gradually introduce information regarding
your home life, your hopes and expectations regarding the student
exchange. Describe yourself, your family, your home and what the living
situation will be. Send pictures and answer any questions that you
might have if you were going to live in a new country.
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Write a letter to the parents of the student assuring them that their child
is welcome and will be safe in your home.
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Read the host parent handbook and any other literature that the club or district
has generated for you.
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If you have children at home discuss their role with the student.
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Are they going to share a room ? What chores are they going to be responsible
for and which will the student be expected to do?
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Go to the library and check out books on the student's home country. Purchase
a flag of the country and display it in the student's bedroom. Have
your children help prepare the room for the student.
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Talk to your children about the importance of being flexible. They need to
understand that they will have to share your time and attention. Prepare
them to be understanding of language and cultural differences.
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Encourage your child to send a letter or postcard to the student each week until
arrival.
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Learn the basic language salutations and encourage your children to do the same.
Student's arrival
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Be at the airport with as many club members, friends and young people as possible.
Former exchange students, especially those that speak the incoming
student's language, are very helpful in welcoming the student.
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Be understanding that the student is excited, afraid and usually very tired. Often
their language skills will be at the lowest, partly because
they are tired and partly because they are hearing too many people
talk at once. Talk slowly, don't raise the volume, avoid slang and
don't ask too many questions.
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Introduce them to people but laugh and tell them not to worry about remembering
names.
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Take the student home and spend a very low activity time with them until sunset.
If the student can stay awake until sunset it will reduce the amount
of time they suffer from "jet lag". Be reasonable about this as you
don't have to solve the whole "jet lag" problem in one day.
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Tell the student to call home to their parents. Be prepared that most do not
know their own home country code or our system of international calling.
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A typical call to Germany for example:
(011)-49-233-204-0506
(int code)-Germany-Dusseldorf-home number
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Most calls to Europe or Scandinavian countries are about $1 per minute.
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This initial phone call is essential to comfort the student's natural parents that
arrival is safe. We will discuss frequency of phone calls and the
importance of timely payment later in this manual.
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Show the student the house plan, where they may go and where they may not.
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Let the student know what you like to be called....first names are comfortable
to most. You may become their American "Mom" or "Dad" but that comes
a lot later.
Answer the following questions before they ask
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Where do I sleep?
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Where is the toilet?
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Where can I put my clothes?
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Where do I bathe ? Where are towels etc.?
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What toilet articles are common to everyone, which are private?
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Where do I put my dirty clothes?
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Where are the daily dishes and drinking glasses?
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Is the tap water drinkable?.....it is not in many countries.
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Can I have a soda or glass of milk?
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When will we eat dinner, breakfast etc.?
The first full day
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Let the student have at least 8 hours of sleep but do not let them sleep indefinitely.
They must get into the time rhythm of your home as soon as possible.
Also you are establishing an "order" of responsibility that
will affect your relationship for the rest of the exchange.
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Try to keep your new family member awake until after sunset on the first
day. Again, remember that the student is going to be very tired and
language is often at its poorest.
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If circumstances permit do little that will challenge the student.
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Take the student by the school they will attend and walk around with them for
10 minutes.
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Give the student time to unpack.
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Explain basic house safety, i.e. use of 911 system, house address and how
to use the phone.
The second day
- Again you must monitor the sleep period or the student will oversleep and further
the "jet lag" period. Eight or nine hours of sleep, but no more.
- Expand their horizons a little. Get a city or county map to show the student
where they are with reference to the community. Introduce them to
the public transportation system. Remember most students are
familiar with much more complex systems than those in the United
States.
- The student will have a battery of other questions that will come with time. Select
a time when you, your spouse, your children and the student are rested
and receptive to discussion. Sometime during the second to fourth
day to review the following questions, Home Rules and First Day Questions.
It takes about two hours to discuss the rules and their reasons.
- How will I get to and from school?
- What is expected of me regarding meals ? Preparation, cleanup, etc.?
- How will my laundry be done ? Explain usage of machines, rules about load size,
etc.
- How do I get postage and mail letters ? The post office has kits for foreign
mailings which are very handy and less expensive.
- May I use the VCR, play the stereo, when and how?
- May I hang pictures, posters, etc., in my room?
- Can I tell you about food allergies and dislikes?
- What are the family church practices and will I be involved?
- Are there any family birthdays, etc., coming soon?
- You have agreed to be the guiding parent for this young person, don't take
that responsibility lightly.
Home rules
Some would suggest that the "Home Rules" should be discussed on the first day.
The student is overwhelmed at arriving in a foreign country, meeting
many new faces and shocked by the loss of sleep. Too much too fast will
be fruitless. If possible mention that there are "Home Rules" in your
letters to the student. When they arrive let them know you will discuss
the "Home Rules" within a day or two. Following, you will find a sample
of "Home Rules" used by one host family for 15 different exchange students
(and three homegrown children). The rules however, should be those that
you are comfortable with and that will most likely be compatible with
the "home rules" of the Host Families to follow you.
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Get up in the morning with enough time to: Shower, pickup bathroom, make
bed and tidy room, prepare your lunch, cleanup kitchen and get to
school on time.
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You are expected to attend school and remain at school for normal school
hours. Only if specific prior arrangements have been made with your
host parents, may you take exception to this rule.
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You are expected to come directly home from school unless specific prior
arrangements have been made with your host parents.
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You must be home by 10:30 PM Sunday through Thursday. Friday and Saturday nights
you must be home by no later than 1:00 AM.
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No alcoholic beverages are to be consumed unless in the presence and with the consent
of your host parents. No drugs, other than prescribed by a doctor,
are to be used at any time.
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Hitchhiking is forbidden. Do not ride with persons that you do not know or with
unsafe drivers or unsafe vehicles.
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Do not ride with other students without host parent permission.
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Do not operate any vehicle.
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If you say you are going to a specific place you must go nowhere else. If
plans change and you desire to go elsewhere you must make direct contact
with your host parent for permission. Otherwise, return to the
host parent home.
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Maintain a clean and orderly room.
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Vacuum once per week.
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Put dirty clothes in hamper daily
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Wash dirty clothes weekly.
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Change bed sheets weekly.
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No food or soda drinks in your room.
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Participate in family activities and responsibilities.
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Household chores.
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Animal care and feeding.
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Building furnace or fireplace fires.
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Assist with meal preparation and cleanup.
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Telephone calls are limited to 10 minutes. Calls to your home country
are limited, with special exceptions, to one per week. Calls must
be paid for on a monthly basis.
- Do not discuss your host parents' family business with school friends or
others.
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Have the student sign the "Home Rules"
and give them a copy to review.
Be a Parent to your new family member
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Give the student all the responsibilities that you would give your own child
and in turn give them the same privileges and benefits of family life.
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Help the student to get involved in activities such as sports, drama and the
Interact Club.
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Counsel the student in American customs and behaviors. Table manners and daily
salutations are different in each country. The student has accepted
the responsibility to learn our customs and mannerisms. Don't hesitate
to teach them but remember they come from a different culture and
you must be understanding as they learn. Patience can be your virtue.
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Ask the student what their favorite lunch foods are and within limits try
to accommodate. Good exchange students are flexible and will try anything.
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Guard the student from the perils of youth.
- Encourage them to make friends but caution them to use great care and not to
"hurry" relationships.
- Exchange students are often known to have exceptional amounts of money. Some
American students will quickly befriend the exchange student in order
to get their hands on that money.
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The exchange student is often vulnerable as he/she is anxious to make new friends
at any cost. Encourage the student not to take large sums of money
to school.
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Assure the student that if they get into a "situation" at a party, etc.,
that you will come at anytime and save them from the risks of the
situation.
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Always insist on knowing where the student will be for parties, overnight
stays, etc. Don't hesitate to get phone numbers of parents and call
them to confirm that there is reasonable chaperoning. If the student
refuses don't allow them to participate. Recognize that the student
may have come from an environment which was much more socially liberal.
Express that your restrictions are for their safety and not meant
to be punitive.
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Caution the student against exclusively banding together with other exchange
students. This practice will defeat the process of learning American
student culture and other students may resent the group and limit
social opportunities.
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Involve the student in family affairs and events.
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You are not expected to be a travel / tour service to the student, but realize
that this may be the only opportunity for this person to visit your
country.
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They have heard much and want to see more for themselves.
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Take advantage of every opportunity to share experiences. Learn to appreciate your
own "backyard" by showing it to your exchange student.
- Encourage your friends and neighbors to include the student in their special
activities. It will expand their horizons and possibly encourage them
to become involved in Rotary.
- Family reunions, visiting grandparents at the nursing home and other special
family events are means of demonstrating American family culture.
The comment of one host parent was, "One young lady from France was
particularly bonded to our family when she attended the funeral of
a family member. She thanked us for including her in our time of sorrow.
In that afternoon she learned more about the American family social
unit than from any other source."
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Travel is encouraged. Always give the Inbound Counselor an itinerary with
contact phone numbers prior to leaving town. Always have a photocopy
of the students: Passport, JP1 Visa, Insurance proof, and Medical
Release form.
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Independent student travel is not allowed.
Remember Rotary Rules
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Rotary forbids exchange students from driving/operating any form of motorized
vehicle. This includes jet skis, snowmobiles and motorized lawnmowers.
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Driving school in Europe is very expensive. Many young people will hope to
get their American drivers license during their exchange year. They
will on occasion try to persuade their host parents to assist them
in getting a license. If Rotary becomes aware of their involvement
in driving they risk being sent home early.
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Dating can be a very delicate subject. No student expects to become seriously
involved during their stay. It is foolish, naive and ineffectual to
order them to not repeat date.
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You, as host parent, must observe situations and offer persuasive guidance
to discourage serious involvement. If you have earned respect via
consistent, concerned guidance you may be able to save the student
from a great deal of heartache.
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Drugs can only be prevented by the same approach of persuasive guidance. Demonstrate
with good example, discuss the risk factors. Create an environment
and activity level that insures a level of self esteem that leaves
no room for drugs.
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Alcohol abuse must be treated with the same caution and concern as other drugs.
Don't forget that in most European and Scandinavian societies alcohol
is legal at age 18. In most European homes wine and beer are commonplace
at the dinner table as young as 14 or 15. However, alcohol abuse is
no more tolerated in those societies than it is in America.
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Be very careful that as a parent you guide your new family member with respectful,
compassionate advice and explanations. Many customs, rules and limitations
are going to be very strange to your student. Show them respect by
giving them detailed explanations. Remember at times of high emotion
language skills diminish. Repeat!
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Establish reasonable rules and limitations and then be prepared to enforce those
rules. Don't try to be their best friend.....Be their Parent!
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It is within the limits of host parenting that "grounding" can be used at the prerogative
of the host parent. If any such actions are taken it should
be placed in writing and the Inbound counselor should be advised of
the incident and the action taken.
- Exchange students are expected to attend Rotary meetings. Whether you are a
Rotarian or not you should make every effort to get your student to
as many meetings as possible.
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Certain Rotary District events are mandatory for your student. The Rotary
Club Counselor or District Chair can tell you which events and when
they take place.
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Remember that independent travel by an exchange student is forbidden by Rotary.
Only under special circumstances with written permission from the
natural parents and sponsoring district as well as hosting district
can this be permitted.
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